4.27.08 (Jessie - journal entry)
‘So we took your mom to the hospital at 11pm that night. We waited almost 10 hours to find out what happened and why. To make a long story short, Hunter’s sack ruptured and the doctor only gave you guys a 25% chance to make it. We (your mom and I) lost it. It scared us so much. Even as I rehash this, I begin to cry and have the fear of losing either/both of you. We have been to the doctor twice since that night and everything seems to be ok…Hunter - please fight, please push forward, I want to hold you, play with you, please don’t give up. Noah - defend your brother, help him any way you can, I wish you could give him some of your fluid, I know you would!’
Deuteronomy 31:6
“Be strong and courageous.
Do not fear or be in dread of them,
for it is the Lord your God who goes with you.
He will not leave you or forsake you.”
4.29.08 (Kristen - journal entry)
‘Well, today is the 2 week mark since Hunter’s sack ruptured. Thank you for hanging in there guys! I know God is going to get us through this, you guys just need to stay strong! I am doing everything the doctors have asked me to do to make it through this. Two more weeks is our next goal. I know you guys can make it! God is with you and protecting you!’
I can remember the night the rupture happened with Hunter’s sack. We were devastated. We were told by one doctor the normal thing to do is terminate, but we trusted God and his promise to ‘never leave us or forsake’. Praise God for the second doctor who came in to talk with us. We will never forget his words in such a heartbreaking moment, ‘your faith has prepared you for this.’ We moved forward with the pregnancy and I sat in bed for two months. In those two months, God birthed this holy determination in me to not give up, to trust Him and His promises, and to fight my best for the lives of these babies.
When our boys were born at the 28 week mark, the battle wasn’t over. My thoughts went wild as my incredible husband talked me into going into the NICU to see the boys for the first time that next morning. I was so afraid that if I saw them and fell in love with them even more, I would lose them and be broken. My heart physically hurt and felt as if it were being ripped out of my chest just thinking about the possibilities the doctors would remind us of. Seeing our vulnerable boys hooked up to beeping machines was not easy. But we knew those machines and those doctors and nurses were helping them survive. God used the doctors and nurses, and ventilators and blood transfusions to help the boys grow healthy and strong.
We missed the ‘newborn’ stage with the boys. We missed the firsts being in the comfort of our own place. We didn’t get to hold them until they were a week old, and even then, the nurse would gently pick up each boy and all the attached wires and place them on our bare chests for skin to skin contact. But God is still good. We knew that missing those firsts meant our boys making it and having a chance at life.
As I sit at my kitchen table wanting to share a story of hope, tears stream down my cheeks. It has been too long since I have read the journal entries about our mighty warrior boys. God is so good and full of mercy to have fought with us for the lives of or first borns. As believers, you don’t ever expect to have to ask God the tough questions or make declarations like, ‘even if they don’t make it, we will still love you, God, and serve you.’ But we did, and He answered our prayers and the prayers of countless others around the world. One of our good friends would send us messages asking how the boys were holding up and explain that God woke her up during the night to pray for them.
Now, I am constantly reminded of God’s goodness in that looking at the boys, you would never be able to tell they had such a rough start to life.
In sharing this story, my hope is that you will understand that God is faithful. He never promised life would be easy, but He does promise He will never leave us or forsake us. Even if we lost the lives of our boys, God would still be faithful. He is with us through our best and in our deepest darkest moments. He never will leave us to walk alone. ‘I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world, you will have trouble. But take heart! I have over come the world! (John 16:33).